Facebook: Fracturing Friendships

I'm gradually becoming disenchanted with social media, as I discover its limitations, which IMO are glaring. I'm not talking about the entrepreneurs who use it to dominate commercially and public relations-wise; obviously to these individuals, social media still hasn't reached its ceiling. I'm taking about the overall power source of social media: people.

What exactly, you might be asking yourself right now, am I talking about? I'm talking about the spotlight social media puts on the typical human being, which casts their faults in lights far more brighter and far more often than any redeeming qualities, in many cases. Of course there are always exceptions, as I know a fair amount of people who are, more or less, "themselves" online. But the list gets much longer and less distinguished when discussing those people who seem to feel that not having to actually face a person or audience somehow gives them free license to bitch, moan, spill, vent, or otherwise air dirty laundry in a way nobody does in the real world to casual acquaintances. Even worse are the people who volunteer personal information about themselves (usually a political, religious, or social stance) which no one ever wanted to know. Sometimes this can be a deal-breaker, even in a serious friendship/relationship.

Now, I've always been a proponent of the "sticks and stones" philosophy, believing that things like "cyber bullying" and "online harassment" are just silly 21st century buzz terms, created by people who are looking for an easy lawsuit or simply need a shield against an obviously shitty parenting job (if some kid is so mentally broken by reading words, there's a deeper psychological issue there, beyond what a chat room session can do, that mommy and daddy should've already been keen to). This is a situation in which the reader his or herself is being personally challenged, engaged. Have a little pride and "fight back" or simply log off your chat or forum, and walk away from the computer. "Cyber Bullying" is not an issue. However, you cannot walk away from a kid twice your size, who's sitting on top of you while pulling your hair, rubbing your face into the ground, or otherwise torturing you in some shape or form. So let's get over the whole "so-and-so was mean to me online today" mamby pamby bullshit.

In the case of Facebook status updates, that's an individual speaking to a large audience with a bullhorn, not really directing their words at any one person. A large audience that isn't necessarily gathering to hear this person speak on a particular topic, but rather, just to mingle about and take in everything they find interesting. The quick and easy "walk away from the computer" fix doesn't really apply here, because in doing so, the person not only rids his or herself of the offending offering, but all others as well. Blocking or deleting an individual (or both) isn't an acceptable cure either IMO, because that's extra work I have to do (although I will eventually, if the individual proves to be more than 50% dirty laundry). And therein lies the limitation of social media: the people who use it.

You have three choices: you can just deal with it, you can spend a lot of personal time calibrating your profile to filter out certain type posts from certain people (which are only good until the next inevitable, unsolicited site overall), or you can simply delete them. The last of these sounds like the best course of action on paper, but with as often as the need arises, eventually you'll find yourself on FB all alone, having nixed everyone...and then what's the point in the first place? No, option one is actually the best of the three IMO. It takes a lot of patience, tolerance, and understanding, but usually provides the happiest endings at the conclusion of a Facebook day.

How Facebook fractures friendships is by providing an (immediate) consequence-free environment for a person to say whatever comes to mind. There's a lot less hesitation before hitting "send" than there is before opening your mouth in a room where other people are actually engaging you in conversation. There's a lot more bravado staring at a computer screen while typing than there is staring into a person's eyes while speaking. Where this bravado fails is the reaction it causes the reader. While it might be easier to type "I hate christians" to a host of anonymous, virtual faces and ears, the impact of that statement isn't any less for the person on the other side. And this is where the mistake is made by so many, or the point where, because it's so easy, people just stop caring about consequences.

I read things on FB everyday about people that I not only don't want to know, but could care less about once I do know. The problem is, it leaves a rift in my psyche about said person, and makes me start to question how much I really know them (because in most cases, this involves people I only know through FB, or casually know and seldom see in the real world). It puts out a red flag, and I tend to keep the person at arm's length. While it happens much more frequently with online-only people, it's also more understandable and tolerable. But when people I know in the real world begin to post content that shines bright light on who they really are, how they really feel, and how they really think, it's much more disheartening.

I know there are things about every person I know in my life and consider a friend, that I don't know about, and wouldn't like were I to find out. There are things about me that nobody I know is privy to, and were they ever to be, wouldn't like. I don't consider these to be necessarily "skeletons in the closet" so much as simply the things that all people must have, to help maintain a simple fundamental of human existence: an identity. The things we all keep to ourselves, sometimes even from ourselves, are what make us who we are. Thoughts, emotions, feelings, understandings, philosophies, desires, addictions, appreciations. There are certain aspects of all of these which we never share, because it's for ourselves. It keeps us, us. Things that don't necessarily cause harm to others as unknowns, but perhaps might not sit well with others if ever brought to light. Simply, what we don't know about one another can't really hurt us (with of course, the exception of serial killers and molesters). But you get my point. Maybe our "souls" is what would best describe it.

There have probably been hundreds of conversations in my lifetime, with a person I consider a friend, who at the time harbored deep feelings about some random issue or situation that I disagree vehemently with. But because that particular topic was never broached, it wasn't an issue. It didn't need to be discussed, and wasn't, and this allowed two individual who disagree sharply on some things to peacefully co-exist and move on through life. The problem with Facebook is, there's never the need for a reason to bring up any topic. All a person has to do is just sit down at a computer and spill their guts; no conversation or segue necessary. And the result of this is, many times individuals will pull from their "inner monologue" or "soul" and put something out there that nobody would have ever asked for in a real conversation, or even provoked through a debate. Unwarranted, unsolicited soul-bearing. The kind that can end a friendship.

Social media, Facebook in particular, might be considered a marvel because it connects us all so easily. But the overall result is only a glaring beam of light on how flawed we all really are (and always were). The signal-to-noise ratio will always be annoyingly unbalanced in favor of Darwinism, and that's simply a reflection of where we are as a society...and that is discouraging. Thankfully, the wonderful minority who keep finding ways to slip between the cracks of the moronic social sidewalk are strong enough in their collective to keep fools like me coming back for more. As for the rare instance of a permanently-damaged friendship, that's the world we live in. And a person who's willing to be declarative and boisterous about sensitive topics without regard for my reaction, isn't anyone I'd make time for anyway.

I Thought Monogamy Was A Good Thing?

I've been seeing a recent resurgence of the opinion that to dedicate one's life to chasing storms is pathetic. To put the pursuit and observation of severe weather at the top of one's priority list is folly. To spend time away from tornado hunting pining for your next one is ridiculous. You're supposed to have other hobbies during the off season. You're supposed to not care about chasing when it's not chase season. You're supposed to live a fulfilling life during those storm-lacking Winter months. And last but not least, during all of that, you're not supposed to show a smidgen of desire for warm Gulf air carried effortlessly by southern breezes, billowing thunderheads that melt in the sky like cotton candy in your mouth, or twisting tubes of restless energy, writhing like a startled snake in the grass. Really?

I've dealt with this opinion since the inception of my chasing career. I was always too overboard, too dedicated, too serious. This was coming from veterans of several years, even decades, while I was still in my very early, formative years. I guess my younger-at-the-time mind simply couldn't grasp the concept that perhaps as I grew older, my priorities would change. Oh I could easily understand that theirs had, just not my own. I found it difficult to understand how their dedication and interest in chasing severe weather could wane, but I never questioned its validity. It simply wasn't the same case with me. Not then, not now.

What puzzles me now is, a lot of this opinion seems to be coming from newer, younger chasers. People who have maybe a third of my experience. Suddenly it seems in vogue to not only dismiss chasing away from chase season, but to scoff at it. SDS, a long-enduring term in the chasing world, has now become a laughing stock, a literal weapon that's used by casual chasers against more dedicated ones, to mock their "pathetic whining about needing a storm chase." These "losers" are being told that they need to "get a life" which has long been one of my most-hated phrases. I hate it because, like so many other words and phrases people use today, it doesn't say what it really means. To say "get a life" really means "my life is better than yours because what you do isn't interesting or exciting to me." Another translation for the term "get a life" is simply "get my life."

My message to these people is simple: live and let live. I don't go around mocking people who chase casually, or simply choose to "disappear" from the chasing world after the season ends. I don't make fun of folks who seem to need some type of hobby or engagement or stimulation constantly, year-round. I don't understand them, but I respect them.

Looking at this from the mirror image point-of-view, I have some questions. What is the seemingly necessary correlation between people who chase storms and having to be a professional photographer? Why do people who chase storms also have to bird watch? Why do individuals who stare at the sky each Spring also stare through telescopes at night? Why are all the die-hard chasers of the 00s becoming nature photographers? I already know the answers to these questions: because they're evolving. They're discovering. They're seeing and experiencing new things and getting new ideas, and with each one, they discover a desire to keep going. And that's cool.

In my case, I discovered storm chasing fifteen years ago. That's where my journey ended, because chasing was everything I'd ever wanted. Everything I'd been looking for. And that hasn't changed in all these years. I started my chasing journey with a lot of other people, many of whom were friends at one point or another. Some still are. But most of them have continued their journey, onward to new and perhaps bigger discoveries. I found mine at chasing, and simply lived my dream as they rode off into the sunsets of their own lives, looking, searching for something more. And it was a friendly parting. Sometimes I still see them when they come back through my neck of the woods, during the point in a year when their journey takes them back into the world of chasing. But during those times of the year when their journeys take them away from me once again, I still remain in my woods, yearning for that next chase, that next storm, that next tornado on video. Even that next DVD. And I love it.

So fellow chasers who journey away from chasing during the year, don't pity me. I'm probably happier than all of you just waiting, dreaming about my next hunt. And for those of you who seem to look down your nose at people like me, who found their destination early and have clung to it with a passion that's higher than the gods, don't ridicule me. There's an old phrase that says "if you love two, you don't really love either." I'm not questioning your dedication to your multiple hobbies or interests with those words. I'm saying that, as much as you love all the things you do...imagine how much I must love chasing, to have granted it exclusive province to my heart, mind, body, and soul.